Elderly Bodily Functions


Tom, Dick and Harry were discussing the aging process at their nursing home on Sunday afternoon.

"Sixty is the worst age to be" said Tom the 60-year-old. "You always feel you need to take a slash. And most of the time you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"

"Ah, that's nothin'" responds Dick the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran and prunes. You sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"

"Actually" says Harry the 80-year-old. "Eighty is the worst age of all."

"Do you have trouble pissing too?" asked Tom. "No not really. I take a piss every morning at 6.00am. I piss like a racehorse on a flat rock. No problem at all." says Harry. "Do you have trouble shitting?" enquires Dick. "Nope, I crap every morning at 6.30am sharp." says Harry.

With great exasperation Tom says "Hold on a moment. Let me get this straight. You take a piss every morning at 6.00am and take a dump every morning at 6.30am on the dot. So what's so tough about being 80?"

Harry replies "The problem is that I don't wake up until 7.00am"