Three men arrive at the Pearly Gates of Heaven. St Peter explains to them that the quality of the car they are given to drive around in Heaven depends on how faithful they have been to their partners on Earth. St Peter asks the first man "So, how many times have you been unfaithful to your partner?"
He replies "I've never strayed out of wedlock and it never once even crossed my mind". "Fantastic!" says St Peter. "Here are the keys to a brand new Bentley Turbo parked in the garage over there." Off he goes, tossing the keys up into the air, catching them and whistling a happy tune to show his delight.
When asked the same question, the second man explained that he had been unfaithful on two occasions. St Peter wasn't too impressed. Disdainfully tutting and frowning, gave him the keys to a Mondeo.
Finally, St Peter asked the third man the same question. "How many times were you been unfaithful to your partner on Earth?" The third man replied "I haven't got a clue. 'Every hole's a goal.' is my motto!"
St Peter was utterly disgusted and threw him the keys to a twenty year old, beaten-up Mini at the end of the car park.
A couple of days later, the Mini driver pulled up at the lights next to the Bentley driver and looked over to see the first man, head in hands, crying his eyes out. The man in the Mini wound his window down and shouted over to the Bentley driver "What's wrong with you mate? You've got the best motor in the whole place and I've got this old rust bucket to drive around in".
The Bentley-driver, sobbing uncontrollably replied: "It's nothing to do with the car? I've just seen my wife go past on a bloody skateboard."