The Best Coronavirus Jokes You Have Ever Heard

41

Bank Robbery

That was scary. I just went to the bank to deposit a cheque, when three guys with masks rushed in. Everyone panicked. “This is a robbery” one shouted. Then we all calmed down.

Coronavirus Remedies

Just popped into the chemist to pick up my prescription. While I was there, I asked the lady if she could recommend something for the new coronavirus. “Ammonia cleaner” she responded. “Oh” I replied, “I thought you were a pharmacist?”

Snow White Is Down A Dwarf

Meanwhile in other news, Snow White is down to six dwarfs. Apparently Sneezy is in quarantine.

Car Spending Spree

My mate Dave has bulk purchased seven brand new cars this week, one for every day he says. Personally I just think he’s caught this new car owner virus.

Covid-19 Ear Worm

My mate Dave told me that I can say “Covid-19” to the tune of “Come On Eileen”. Now I have an earworm and can’t read it any other way.

John Lennon Airport On Lockdown

News is breaking that Liverpool’s John Lennon airport has been placed into full lockdown due to an escalation of Covid-19 cases yesterday. Thousands are in quarantine. Imagine all the people.

Toilet Renovation

Before
After

Network Protocol Changes

Cisco is the worldwide leader in IT networking and cybersecurity solutions. They have announced today that due to the spread of COVID-19 and with immediate effect, all TCP applications are being converted to UDP to avoid handshakes.

Panic Buying

Rita is my elderly neighbour and is a little hard of hearing. She just popped over for a cup of tea and natter. She said she’s just got back from Asda and in preparation for this new coronavirus outbreak, has bulk purchased all the sausage rolls, various bread rolls, Swiss rolls and chocolate mini rolls. When I questioned why, she responded that people on the news were talking about rolls and picnic buying.

My New Bicycle

With all this coronavirus panic shopping going around at the moment, the lady at Tesco accused me last week of bulk buying all the spaghetti, bucatini, vermicelli, linguine, lasagne, tagliatelle, macaroni, penne and fusilli from their shelves. “No!” I exclaimed, “I’m building a bicycle.” Shrugging her shoulders, she gave me a scornful look as I paid and walked out. Anyway, her face was a picture this morning when I rode pasta.

Made In China

Positive news this morning as the World Health Organisation announced yesterday that the original coronavirus infected country of China “has reported a significantly declining epidemic.” BBC health correspondent Philippa Roxby commented “We knew Covid-19 wouldn’t last long, nothing made in China ever does.”

Add Your Heading Text Here

I asked my wife that when she went to town yesterday, could she get more toilet tissue. I said “Shop around. Too much is never enough.” So she bought all his CDs!

Lou Rawls Too Much
Lou Rawls Sold Out