I asked the local newspaper how much it would cost me to place a small advertisement in next week's paper. They told me £5.00 per inch.

A panda walks into a pub. He asks the barman how he can get a little action for the night. The barman motions to a young woman. She talks to the panda and they go back to her place. After having sex, the panda abruptly leaves.

Theresa May walks into the HSBC to cash a cheque. “Good morning,” She says. “Could you please cash this cheque for me?”

Two Daleks are challenged by London Transport personnel while trying to board bus to Salisbury in Wiltshire.

I went to Marwell zoo this afternoon and there was a French baguette just laying in a cage.

One night this chap takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other goodnight on the dark front door step, the guy starts feeling horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and smiling, says to her "Baby, would you give me a blow job?"